Saturday, February 6, 2010
For the last year and a half something in my conscience has prevented me to fall asleep before knocking on wood for the dreadful thoughts that may come to mind. I am not certain of what lead to this uncomfortable bad habit, but I must knock on wood before falling asleep. Every other day before falling asleep or waking up in the morning a bad thought comes to mind that something might happen to my immediate family whilst out on the streets. Something like an accident or a farewell with no polite good bye. Every morning when I wake up to my mothers alarm and before she leaves I pray and hope that nothing bad happens to her while on her way to work. Every morning when my sister leaves I pray and hope that nothing bad happens to her as well. Its something within me that does not let me rest, because I'm in fear that some tragedy might occur, and that if I dont knock on wood it would be my fault. It is very agonizing to say the least, and it has impaired my sleep and intervened with my daily thoughts. I need to learn to somehow overcome this fear that one day I might lose them in some sort of tragedy, God forbids such thing, but I know that I am not one to prevent such events.