July 2009

I think I've been lying to myself.

These past few weeks have been a mind rollers coaster for my thoughts. That one feeling I've always been afraid of has been awaken once again. I'm scared.

I'm one of those guys who dreams and dreams and never lets go, because everything I say and do is meaningful to myself.

I once promised myself I wouldn't become vulnerable to my expectations or my thoughts on love. But if anything, I've learned that love is above all.

It is a challenge for me to let my guards down and expose my inner self once more. It is doubtful and precautious and more thoughtful every time.

I've always been a solitaire, a man of my own, a soloist, a single person. I've tried to keep myself away from the common, the hurt, the pain, the emotions. I've never succeeded.

To fall in love is a journey. A journey of many factors surrounding the interest, the theme of life, the character, and the knowledge of words. Prior to this, I don't think I've ever been in love.

Now that the feeling I fear the most is here; it has taken its role once again of playing coy and delivering cheap shots of hope.

Oh, the hope I hope is not even something to hope about. I hope without knowledge. I hope without sense and goal. I just hope from the feeling.

I'm hoping to find this one person, miles away, borders in between, years in difference, and with the risk of him even liking me some day.

and when I do, I hope to be his other half. because I know he's been looking for one.


I can only hope, I can only dream, and I can only wonder and wait. Maybe he's the next best thing to happen.


-July 2009